I’m moving my blog to another site

Recently I was shown a website called Yours.org, It’s a paid blogging site that runs on bitcoin cash. Because of the great promise in it, I’ve decided that from now on I’ll no longer be posting on WordPress.

I have been reposting my old posts from WordPress onto Yours, so they will soon all be viewable from there. None of my blog posts will cost bitcoin cash to read, but things I post separate from my blog most likely will depending on what they are.

Here’s a link to my Yours page https://www.yours.org/user/nlmorehouse/

The site is still in early stages, so expect many features it’s lacking to show up later on.

With that said, Goodbye WordPress.

Image result for goodbye waving

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The 12 Worst EVER Christmas songs #1

And here we are, the finale. Keep in mind that this is in no particular order, but, this one is a pretty good finale if you ask me…

Band-Aid, when all the entitled singers of the world came together in 1984 to “help” with the famine problem in Ethiopia. The problem with their song “do they know it’s Christmas”, is that it comes off as the opposite of what it wants, rude and disrespectful. Also, the actual song just sucks.

“It’s Christmastime, there’s no need to be afraid
At Christmastime, we let in light and we banish shade”

Ok, Christmas isn’t THAT great! There is still plenty of wrongness and unhappiness during Christmas, it’s not PERFECT.

“And in our world of plenty, we can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around the world at Christmastime”

Christmas doesn’t make people that hysterically loving.

“There’s a world outside your window
And it’s a world of dread and fear”

Outside my window?! What kind of metaphor is that even supposed to be?!!

“Where the only water flowing
Is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you”

Image result for african lake

That’s A LOT of tears.

Clanging chimes of DOOM??!!!! WHAT!!!!!!?

“Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you” That sounds awfully wrong.

“And there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmastime
The greatest gift they’ll get this year is life
Where nothing ever grows
No rain nor rivers flow
Do they know it’s Christmastime at all?
Here’s to you
Raise a glass for everyone”

Not sure Africa is a hellish wasteland of eternal pain and lack of goodness. Also, YOU DONT NEED CHRISTMAS TO BE HAPPY!!!

“Here’s to them
Underneath that burning sun
Do they know it’s Christmastime at all?”

For some people, Christmas just isn’t something they celebrate, it’s not the end of the world!

“Feed the world
Feed the world
Feed the world
Let them know it’s Christmastime again
Feed the world
Let them know it’s Christmastime again
Feed the world
Let them know it’s Christmastime again
Feed the world
Let them know it’s Christmastime again
Feed the world
Let them know it’s Christmastime again
Feed the world
Let them know it’s Christmastime again”

Wow, that was bad, this song is so ridiculously exaggerative! Its lyrics are insane, and it’s music video, despite trying to have a passionate message, is completely deadpan as no one looks interested in being there!

I’d say they was a pretty good end, maybe not the worst in the world of Christmas songs, but fine by my standards. Tell which you think was the complete WORST of the list!

 

Worthy Mentions:

Yo ho ho (DC talk) not enough material in lyrics

Where are you Christmas (Faith Hill) not enough material in lyrics

Christmas tree (Lady Gaga) to gross for me to cover

Please daddy (John Denver) to depressing for material

This Christmas (CeeLo Green) Weirdest music video, but not enough material in lyrics

The 12 Worst EVER Christmas Songs #2

 

“We were chillin’ in the mall (yeah right)
Goin’ on a, Christmas, stroll
We were crackin’ jokes, buggin’ hard
Yo Jam! (yeah I was on a roll)
When all of a sudden Free walks up and says
Yo fellas you won’t believe this
By the look on his face, I could’ve swore
The Grinch just stole Christmas!”

None of this lingo makes sense, I looked it up, it’s all completely misused!!

“Right before our eyes was a sight
We thought we’d never see
On the front of every store, was an X
Where Christ used to be
You know, Merry Xmas? Xmas tree (this is ill)
Somethin’s gotta move
We felt a hidden message, so we decided to bust this groove”

You saw an alternate spelling of a WORD so you decided to protest!

“People, all around the world (yeah)
You can’t spell Christmas without Christ! (yeah you know it)
Pump it up, you got to be heard
You can’t spell Christmas without Christ! (and that’s just how it is)”

Yes, you can. Krisstmas.

“People thought we were characters (that’s ’cause we are)
Some didn’t know what was up
Some thought we were crazy
They tried to lock us up!
This man walked up and said
Hey hey, you there! what’s all the hoopla?!
Hey I run a tight ship here”

“20 years and I don’t need a lot of brew ha ha!
Yo, yo we don’t mean to be rude
But the sign, the X has got to go
It’s C-H-R-I-S-T-mas
Without Him, there wouldn’t be a show
With hands on his ears, he shook his head
Some people started clappin’
We looked at each other (yo where’s the beat?)
We kept on rappin'”

You come in here and complain about THEIR sign, and then you expect them to turn on MUSIC for you?!!

“People, all around the world
You can’t spell Christmas without Christ (come on let’s do this, come on)
Pump it up, you got to be heard
You can’t spell Christmas without Christ”

“X! equals a variable and uh (break it down)
We do a little algebra
No mistakes in formulas here’s a little knowledgeabra? (who, who wrote this)
Christ plus M-A-S equals the subject matter
The equation reveals that Christ was born
Subtract extracurricular chatter
Yo the sum is simple
Christ plus death, equal world salvation
We’re celebrating His birth
And His plan to unite the nation”

You think by being “self-aware”, you can get away with rhyming algebra and KNOWLEDGE?!!!?

“The square root of Christ was given to you
Yo, take it from shore to shore
Christ multiplied (plus self)
Equals power
Need we say more?
You can’t spell Christmas without Christ
Logically or mathematically
There just wouldn’t be (none, no) celebration
Break it down wit’ no hesitation”

I refer you to “Krisstmas”.

“They said that X stands for Christ
Who are you, Greek?
Yo! we live in America! (so your storyline is weak)
So if you see an X just pull it down
Come on let’s spell it right
And with this in mind, have a Merry Christmas!
And to all
A very good night…”

At least a quarter of the words we use aren’t originally English.

“People, all around the world
You can’t spell Christmas without Christ! (come on what’s the word?)
Pump it up, you got to be heard
You can’t spell Christmas without Christ! (yeah, you got it)”

This song is the definition of preachy. It’s so obnoxious and forceful, half the things they say just plain aren’t arguments!

well, the end of the countdown is nearly upon us…

The 12 Worst EVER Christmas Songs #3

Woah, number three? We’re getting close…

“The city is covered in snow tonight
The children fast asleep
I’m waiting for him, but he’s nowhere in sight
And I wonder if he could hear me”

How the heck would he be able to hear you?!

“Hey, Santa
Hey, Santa… Santa
I wish with all my might
Hey, Santa
Hey, Santa… Santa
Bring my baby home tonight”

I’m pretty sure he can’t bring you a HUMAN as a gift.

“Why does it feel like it’s colder than winter
Even by the fireside
My baby said that he’d be home for Christmas
And now it’s almost midnight
The Christmas lights up and down the street
Are such a sight to see
But all the presents by the tree
They don’t mean a thing till he’s with me”

Wait, which one of them is singing this? Are they both? Which ones partners with him? Are they going to fight to the death when he gets back?!!

“Hey, Santa
Hey, Santa… Santa
I wish with all my might
Hey, Santa
Hey, Santa… Santa
Bring my baby home tonight”

“I know your sleigh is full inside
But won’t you stop and give my baby a ride
I’ll be waiting by candlelight this Christmas
The Christmas lights up and down the street
Are such a sight to see
But all the presents by the tree
They don’t mean a thing
Santa please hear me”

By candlelight? What is this?! The 1800’s?!

“Hey, Santa
Hey, Santa… Santa
I wish with all my might
Hey, Santa
Hey, Santa… Santa
Bring my baby home tonight”
(Solo)
“The Christmas lights up and down the street
The presents by the tree
I hear a knock, oh… Can it be?
My wish is staring back at me”

This songs music video has everything! Death by electrocution, saxophone Santa, creepy midget with giant eyebrows, and WACKY HIJINX!

Seriously, this song sucks. The singing sounds like a mix of white trash pop and children’s music you can buy at Walmart.

Since we’re almost to the end now would be a good time for me to ask, what do you think has been the worst so far?

The 12 Worst EVER Christmas Songs #4

I didn’t want to do another cover but, as with Santa baby, the Maroon 5 version is so much worse.

“So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun”

What have I done?! Well, that sounds a little judgemental.

“And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young”

Yes, this is Christmas, you already said that.

“A very Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear”

“And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
The rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong”

YES, it’s Christmas, what is your point! If you’re trying to be deep it’s not working!!

“And so Happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let’s stop all the fight”

By “yellow and red ones” do you mean Asians and native Americans? Because I’m pretty sure it’s racist to call them that.

“A very Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear”
“And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
A new one just begun”
“And so Happy Christmas
We hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young”
“A very Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear”
“War is over
If you want it
War is over now”
What does that even mean?! If I want it? What does that even have to do with Christmas!
Maroon 5 sings’s this one awfully, they barely pronounce the words at all. Also, this song is somber for no reason, and trails away from the subject of Christmas multiple times.

The 12 Worst EVER Christmas Songs #5

Geez, this one’s ear-piercing.

This one is more of an anti-Christmas song, but still technically Christmas so it counts. What happens when you cross punk rock, Christmas music, and a singing pig attraction at the circus? THIS!!

“Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Tis the season to be jolly
Fa la la la la, la la la la…”

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

Okay yeah, that’s the one thing I can sympathize with in this song.

“Oh my God, it’s here, this awful time of year
How I hate the snow is falling
Wealthy neighbors bragging about the gifts they’re getting”

Do people actually brag about gifts? Is that a commonly hated thing?

“Hey Jack! They say, let me take a guess now! You’re getting K-Mart clothes again!
And then, I had a revelation!
This is my chance to sew their lips clean shut with fear”

Hey, is K-Mart really that bad?

“Because…”

“This Christmas, I’ll burn it to the ground!
This Christmas, Santa’s skipping town!
This Christmas, everything will change, when they see the flames
This Christmas day!”

Woah Woah WOAH, you go from annoyance to pyromania?!

“Christmas lights alive, lighting up the night
Meanwhile I’m inside my room, conniving though the cheer and laughter that resumes”

‘Honey, are you conniving in your room again!’ ‘SHUT UP MOM!!’

“Tonights the night, I have to do it right now!
So, I will strike when all’s asleep
And creep, sneaking through your chimney!
Saint Nic is gone for now”

“all’s asleep”? Smooth lyrics “Set it off”.

“Up on the housetop, gifts are mine!
Kiss your Christmas tree goodbye!”

“Because…”

“This Christmas, I’ll burn it to the ground!
This Christmas, Santa’s skipping town!
This Christmas, everything will change, when they see the flames
This Christmas day!”

“Oh, make fun of me, will you?!
Well I’ll show you what true misery feels like!
You see, as my idol once said
Everything burns!
Hey everyone! Look outside your window! I have a surprise for you!”

“as my idol once said Everything burns!” Anastacia?

“Imagine this
One thousand gifts, and sixteen trees all lay in a heap in a cul-de-sac
I strike my match, and I blaze the trail of gasoline”

“This Christmas
I’m ending the game
This Christmas
What a bright shame
This Christmas”

I don’t know anything about “Set it off”, so I can’t really assume their sing is awful in ALL their songs, but it probably is. Seriously he sounds like a squealing little pig.
Merry everyone. thank you for reading my blog, stay tuned for more of the countdown.

 

The 12 Worst EVER Christmas Songs #6

Ho ho ho NEXT SONG.

Most people probably have not heard of this one, but in my great expedition to find godawful Christmas songs, I have, and now I’m eternally suffering.

“Life is good, we all go crazy
Light the fire and come with me
Dancing at the Christmas party
Lots of wine and the boys get cheeky”

Life being good and going insane don’t seem to relate. Also, what is “Light the fire and come with me” supposed to mean? I’m pretty sure they’re saying follow me into the flames.

“Oh baby baby
Underneath the mistletoe
Oops baby baby
Getting sexy in the snow
Yeah baby baby
Take the reigns and hold on tight
This could be your lucky night”

What the heck is “getting sexy in the snow”!? Snow is the least sexy thing ever, it’s all freezing cold and annoying.

“Everybody come together
It’s a hot hot Christmas night
Make the magic last forever
Have a cheeky Christmas time”

“Come and get your Christmas present
Close your eyes and make a wish
If you’ve been a really good boy
I will be your special dish”

That metaphor doesn’t even work, no one serves food as a Christmas present.

“Oh baby baby
Underneath the mistletoe
Oops baby baby
Getting sexy in the snow
Yeah baby baby
Take the reigns and hold on tight
This could be your lucky night”

“Everybody come together
It’s a hot hot Christmas night
Make the magic last forever
Have a cheeky Christmas time”

“It’s Christmas
Have a cheeky Christmas”

What even IS a “cheeky Christmas”.

“One two
Santa Claus is coming
Three four
Feeling up my stockings
Five six
Everybody’s pumping
Christmas! Christmas! Christmas!”

You have multiple stockings?! also ‘genius.com’, Filling is like, the one word they didn’t miss pronounce, and IT’S the word you mistranslate? “Feeling up my stockings”.

Everybody’s pumping? what?!

“Everybody come together
It’s a hot hot Christmas night
Make the magic last forever
Have a cheeky Christmas time”

So there it is, and I still don’t understand what a ‘cheeky Christmas’ is. The lyrics are dumb and all, but the melody is BAAAD.

It tries to be attractive and naughty, well at the same time tries to be the exact OPPOSITE, being innocent and cheery. You can’t be both.

 

The 12 Worst EVER Christmas Songs #7

“It was almost Christmas time, there I stood in another line
Tryin’ to buy that last gift or two, not really in the Christmas mood
Standing right in front of me was a little boy waiting anxiously
Pacing ’round like little boys do
And in his hands he held a pair of shoes”

Do little boys commonly pace around?

“His clothes were worn and old, he was dirty from head to toe
And when it came his time to pay
I couldn’t believe what I heard him say
Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my mama, please
It’s Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size”

Why is that so surprising? Also, I’m pretty sure the kid’s not a hobo.

“Could you hurry, sir, daddy says there’s not much time
You see she’s been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful if mama meets Jesus tonight”

Since when do shoes make people look beautiful, SHOES!

“He counted pennies for what seemed like years
Then the cashier said, “son, there’s not enough here”
He searched his pockets frantically”

“Then he turned and he looked at me
He said mama made Christmas good at our house
Though most years she just did without
Tell me Sir, what am I going to do,
Somehow I’ve got to buy her these Christmas shoes”

So they’re specifically Christmas shoes? Because Christmas shoes look like this.Image result for tacky christmas shoes

Yup, no better way to tell your Mama you HATE her.

“So I laid the money down, I just had to help him out
And I’ll never forget the look on his face when he said
Mama’s gonna look so great”

The boy was obviously trying to manipulate you. Since WHEN are shoes so important, SHOES!!!

“Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my mama, please
It’s Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, daddy says there’s not much time
You see she’s been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful if mama meets Jesus tonight”

“I knew I’d caught a glimpse of heaven’s love
As he thanked me and ran out
I knew that God had sent that little boy
To remind me just what Christmas is all about”

He conned you out of your money! For SHOES!! There’s no proof his mother was actually sick, you just lost your money.

“Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my mama, please
It’s Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, daddy says there’s not much time
You see she’s been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful if mama meets Jesus tonight”

“I want ‘er to look beautiful if mama meets Jesus tonight”

well, well? It’s bad but it’s harmless. Thank’s for checking this out! Stay tuned tomorrow for number six!

The 12 Worst EVER Christmas Songs #8

Nothing to say, GO!

“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special”

“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special”

Gave it away? Going with your metaphor here, the best possible meaning is that she set you up with someone else.

“Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance
But you still catch my eye
Tell me, baby
Do you recognize me?
Well, it’s been a year
It doesn’t surprise me”

Oh BOO-HOOH! Your EX girlfriend doesn’t remember you, if you’re so over her why do you keep thinking about her, Mr ‘But you still catch my eye’.

“(Merry Christmas!) I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying, “I love you, ” I meant it
Now, I know what a fool I’ve been
But if you kissed me now
I know you’d fool me again”

Again, you’re over her? Interesting how you keep talking about the idea of getting back with her.

“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special”

“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special”
“A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
I’m hiding from you, and your soul of ice
My god, I thought you were someone to rely on
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on”
“Treat you better” is the nice guy before failure song. This, however, is the nice guy after failing song. Stop being so dramatic. Yeah, she broke your heart, so now that means she has a soul of ice?!
“A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart
Now, I’ve found a real love you’ll never fool me again”
What the HECK are you even talking about!? Enough stupid metaphors, trying to avoid being foolish? TOO LATE.
“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special”
“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special”
“A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man under cover but you tore him apart
Maybe next year I’ll give it to someone
I’ll give it to someone special”
Let’s get the big one out of the way, THIS SONG HAS NO NEED TO BE A CHRISTMAS SONG!! You could take out all the Christmas stuff and this song would be just the same, it’s only a Christmas song for the sake of capitalizing on Christmas! This suffers from the same thing as Justin Bieber’s “Mistletoe”. They both have a music video with no relation to the song aside from taking place in winter and having a love interest in them; it’s kind of like the bizarro version of “Mistletoe” in that it’s about avoiding a person and not having them affect Christmas as much a possible, and “Mistletoe” is about flat-out not celebrating Christmas in order to spend time with some generic woman. Unfortunately, the one thing it doesn’t reverse is well: being God-awful.
So there it is, number eight! Tune in next time as the unholy clock of Christmas garbage, constructed solely of coal, ticks further to the end.

The 12 Worst EVER Christmas Songs #9

Wow, number nine already! Prepare yourself as it slowly gets worse, just like an illness!

Woah. Here it is, “NSYNC”s Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays.

“Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays
We’ve been waiting all year for this night
And the snow is glistening on the trees outside
And all the stockings are hung by the fireside”

Snow almost never glistens on trees, songs always talk about it like its super common.

“Waiting for Santa to arrive
And all the love will show
‘Cause everybody knows
It’s Christmastime and
All the kids will see
The gifts under the tree”

“It’s the best time of the year for the family
It’s a wonderful feeling
Feel the love in the room
From the floor to the ceiling
It’s that time of year”

“Christmastime is here
And with the blessings from above
God sends you his love
And everybody’s okay
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays”

Wait, God delivers the presents??

“Bells are ringing
It’s time to scream and shout (scream and shout)
And everybody’s playing cause school’s out
Celebrating this special time we share
Happiness cause love is in the air”

Do people typically scream and shout?! When bells ring?

“And all the love will show
‘Cause everybody knows
It’s Christmastime and
All the kids will see
The gifts under the tree
It’s the best time of the year for the family
It’s a wonderful feeling
Feel the love in the room
>From the floor to the ceiling”

“It’s that time of year
Christmastime is here
And with the blessings from above
God sends you his love
And everything’s okay
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays”

“Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays”

“No matter what your holiday
It’s a time to celebrate
And put your worries aside (worries aside)
And open up your mind (open up your mind)
See the world right by your side
It’s Christmastime
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays”

“It’s a wonderful feeling
Feel the love in the room
From the floor to the ceiling
It’s that time of year
Christmastime is here
And with the blessings from above
God sends you his love
And everything’s okay
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays”

And there it is. I didn’t have much to say about this one. But the music video is ridiculous, Santa cant deliver presents? Obviously, we need the help of NSYNC!!? Its lyrics aren’t terrible or anything, it’s just so boring and stupid!

So there’s today’s entry. See you next time, for a song about guess what, love.